Myself and What I hate.

    Hi, my name is Wonbae Kim. I am Korean, from South Korea. (A lot of people ask if I'm from North or South Korea but, in my opinion, that is kind of a stupid question to ask.) People have hard time pronouncing my name and I have actually given up on correcting them and just say how they pronounced my name is right. But I found a way to write my name closest to how it is supposed to sound: “Onebeh”. In Korean my name is written as “원(one)배(beh)”. ‘Won’ sounds more like a Chinese word. Actually, the word ‘원’ has  the meaning of ‘best’ (however, Korean people doesn’t use ‘원’ when they want to say ‘best’; it is kind of complicated) and sounds exactly like ‘one’. So, ‘one’ actually fits perfectly because the meaning of ‘best’ is 'number one at something'. Sometimes I use “Onebeh” as my internet name. The proper pronunciation of ‘Kim' is ‘Gim’ (not ‘Jim’). You will find lots of people with the family name Kim in Korea. Actually, Kim is one of the most common family names in Korea; but the Kim family name has a lot of different branches so not everyone with that name is related to each other. The Kim family is supposed to be an ancient loyal family. The word “Kim” has the meaning of “Gold” so, on the internet and in places that don't need legal names, I use the name ‘Onebeh Gold’.
    But enough about my name, now I will talk about what I hate. There are two things I really hate. One is easy to explain and probably most people will easily understand; it's when things don't work how I wanted them to work. It is not that I hate it on the first try; I try many times and put a lot of effort to it, but then it still doesn’t work I start to get mad at it. This is probably the same for everyone. The other thing I hate is kind of hard to give you one example but if I combine all my experiences, I can conclude one thing: when people act a certain way sometimes it annoys me a lot. So I think about it and try to figure out why it makes me so mad. If I think hard enough, I realize that it's because I do exactly the same thing. From that point on, when I see the annoying person I see myself; this is the most frustrating part. It is just so sad that what I do can be so annoying to others, and at the same time I can’t love that person because they do something that annoys me. So, this means that others also can’t love me because of that certain act. A similar incident happed to my most loved person; a person who I loved left me because of my actions and l was hoping to get her back later. Time passed and I was still hoping to get her back, but then I met a person that I hated so much. I realized that all of his actions and reaction to me were a mirror of what happened to me and my ex-girlfriend. I realized there is no way I will like the person I hate so, it was completely hopeless.
    I wonder why I hate anything that reminds me of my faults. One thing I realized is the first thing I have mentioned: that I cannot seem to get myself to work the way I want to. There are so many things I wanted to do and work in certain ways, but my body and mind won’t listen. So many people left because of my mistakes. Because there were so many disgraces and so much pain to others and myself, how can I like myself? The only hope is that I am a fool and inefficient. I don’t give up; I hate things that don’t work out the way I want them to, but I am a fool that keeps trying and failing until there are no more chances even though I know it won’t work, but I keep hoping it will. Someday my body and mind will work how I want them to.